As you may know, our eldest daughter is in her first year of university. (You can read about that right here. Grab a tissue.) Our youngest is still at home. She jokes that she doesn’t have anyone to roll her eyes at when we are Being Total Parents, but I have a sneaking suspicion this isn’t really a joke. I don’t know how much she enjoys being the only child but she’s so busy with school and sports and activities and work and an active social life that I feel like we’re ships in the night sometimes.
A few of you have asked how life is going with one less kid in the house. Well, I’ll tell ya. The weird mash of joy and sadness I was feeling the week we were getting ready to send her off and in the days afterward has abated a little. I try not to think about it too much because it’s easier to pretend the feeling is not there, and that it’s no big deal, like a blister or a paper cut. Mind over matter, right?
Sometimes the afternoon sun falls just so and I am reminded that the kids will be home from school soon. Hot on the heels of THAT thought I suddenly remember that one of them isn’t coming home today. The other day a neighbour stopped me and exclaimed, hey, I saw your daughter just now. To which I replied, which one? I actually forgot we didn’t have two kids at home. What else? I was making dinner the other day and caught myself planning four portions. I have pulled four plates out of the cupboard.
I don’t buy juice anymore because there is no one to drink it. The milk lasts a lot longer, too.
The blessing in all of this is technology. When I was away at school, long distance calls were expensive and they were few and far between. Today, of course, there is the INTERNET and everything that comes with it. We pay nothing for a long distance call. I can see the photos she posts, easily pass along an article that made me think of her, or send her a quick text or a snapshot. There’s also Facetime. Video chat is so easy and so ordinary now but when I was in high school it was like something out of the Jetsons. Video chat is like phone calls, but miles better. If there was a problem it would be written all over her face. Having this degree of communication is wonderful, for everyone.
My biggest concerns were assuaged back in September. She made good friends and is eating well and enjoying (most of) her classes. Her residence room is great and her can mate (that’s the term for the person she shares a bathroom with) is a very nice young woman. The eldest has been pushing the boundaries of her comfort zone – in a good way – and tackling adult things like grocery shopping, banking, the admin side of university studies, and doing it successfully on her own. Plus, she’s having fun. This is all I really wanted. (Sidebar: What would we have done if she hated university? I don’t want to jinx things but this is something I’ve been asking myself. What if she hated school? Hated her floor-mates or her classes? What would we have done? Gah.)
The things that are consoling me right now are as follows (in no particular order):
- She’s coming home for Christmas.
- She isn’t actually that far, geographically speaking. In fact, we snuck over to Kingston the weekend before last to take her out to dinner.
- She is happy.
- Care packages. (Sent from us to her in Kingston, just so we’re clear.)
The last package I pulled together included a box of caramels, fun socks from Mrs. Tiggy Winkles, and a party game. (Oh, and her high school philosophy notes.) I have another one on the go which I’ll be sending soon. There’s something about compiling the items, writing a note, wrapping it all up, and standing in line at the post office that I find peaceful and healing. The process is like a bandaid for my heart, in a way. Someday it will get easier, I’m sure.
