a peek inside the fishbowl

25 Oct, 2017

missing mojo

Posted by andrea tomkins in: Misc. life

Park bench along Byron Pathway

Yesterday was my day off. Remember Andrea’s Tuesdays? But once again, instead of getting out and actually Doing Something I just stayed home and moped around for most of the day. I hate wasting a day. I hate this. I hate the feeling of lost mojo so much.

My solution to this is to force myself to do SOMETHING. Part of that something is to focus on routines I know will make me feel better. When I feel adrift, I need to tie myself to something. Call it preventive medicine. I had charged up my Litebook so I blasted myself with 30 minutes of light, did a short stint on the treadmill at a brisk pace, took a shower, took my vitamins, ate a good breakfast, and got dressed. I also spent a couple of hours on my Shopping Embargo ebook. I have had mixed feelings here. I’ve alternated between feelings of shiny confidence (“I CAN TOTALLY DO THIS.”) and debilitating feelings of utter failure and giveupatude (“I TOTALLY SUCK.”). Perhaps this is a post for another day. Sigh.

After staring at my own words for so long that my eyes started to water, I picked myself and walked to the library to return some books; a 5K round trip. I took deep breaths, tried to enjoyed the scenery, and spent some time alone with my own thoughts. The internal dialogue with myself went something like this:

What is wrong with you today, Andrea? Why do you feel so cruddy?
I don’t know.
Well, what would make you feel better?
I don’t know. A bag of chips?
Well, that’s not going to happen. Seriously, what would make you feel better?
I have no idea.
Well, if you don’t know. You’re just going to have to ride this wave out.

And that’s when I remembered that I don’t have to feel sad and guilty about this lost day. I know it will pass. I can just accept the dip in my hormone levels or whatever it is, and RIDE IT OUT without all the boo-hooing. So I pictured myself on an inflatable raft on a lake, with the sun beating down on me, my fingers dangling in the water,  floating along with the tide instead of fighting against it and exhausting myself in the process.

I marched on. On the way home I spotted a flu shot sign in the window of our neighbourhood Shoppers Drug Mart and so I popped in and let the pharmacist poke me in the arm. At least I can say I did this, right? I got a lollypop too. At least there was that.

 

 


4 Responses to "missing mojo"

1 | g

October 25th, 2017 at 5:21 pm

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I really like your perspective to simply ride it out… I too absolutely despise wasting days (there is simply too much to do!). Instead of stressing myself out trying to figure out WHY I feel “blah”, I will try to adopt this attitude. Thank you for sharing!!

2 | Claudette

October 27th, 2017 at 1:37 pm

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I blame hormones. :)

I get like this typically for a few days around the same time of my cycle pretty much like clockwork and know to anticipate it. Then, when it happens?

I MOPE IN STYLE.

lol

I hear you. I forced myself to go for a bike-ride yesterday even though I had no time but the sun was out and I figured, if not now, when? Pretty soon the clocks will go back and that’ll be that.

Hang in there.

3 | andrea tomkins

October 30th, 2017 at 5:18 pm

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Thanks guys! It’s been rough going and I think the weather has a lot to do with it. Forcing myself to go outside – and also being kind to myself – generally does the trick. I’m getting there!

4 | Lynn

November 21st, 2017 at 4:13 pm

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WAY behind in my blog reading, but I had to comment as I catch up because I’ve been there – had lost days. What is it about super busy women like us that makes one day of moping around feel like a waste, like lost time, like something we should feel badly about? Even when I’m sick, I still can’t just lie around on the couch – I have to get up and make dinner, tidy the kitchen, fold the laundry. My husband has no such problems!

Today my youngest daughter was sick and I got sucked into the movie she was watching (Coraline). After that I had a nap on the couch because I’m probably coming down with the cold she has, and puttered around organizing my Girl Guide stuff. And the whole time I was fretting about a lost day, no work done, what am I doing, get it together, etc. I think sometimes we do just need a recharge day – instead of a lost day, it’s a day of found energy. Tomorrow: reset and begin again!

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  • Lynn: WAY behind in my blog reading, but I had to comment as I catch up because I've been there - had lost days. What is it about super busy women like us t
  • www.thongtincanhochungcu.info: Packing your personal stuff, like food, clothes and accessories can be a task for women, I guess. It's can be a favourite for yoga groups with a
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  • SJM: My father sent epic care packages when I was at Uni - one per term. It included a 6 pack of beer and lots of food. This was when postage was much chea
  • andrea tomkins: I KNOW. It's crazy that we are now the parents of an adult. I can hardly believe it myself most days! :)
  • Allison: What!!??!! How is your daughter in university?!! That just cannot be!!! So glad to hear she is adjusting well and having fun and enjoying her classes
  • andrea tomkins: Great ideas Joy! Especially the POST-its! They're actually an expensive purchase for a student, so they'd make a nice addition to a care package.

The Obligatory Blurb

My name is Andrea and I live in the Westboro area of Ottawa with my husband Mark and our two daughters Emma (18) and Sarah (16). I am the managing editor of our community newspaper, the Kitchissippi Times. I am a longtime Ottawa blogger, and I've occupied this little corner of the WWW since 1999... which makes me either a total dinosaur or a veteran, I'm not sure which! The Fishbowl is my whiteboard, water cooler, and journal, all rolled into one. I'm passionate about healthy living, arts and culture, family travel, great gear, good food, and sharing the best of Ottawa for families. I also love vegetables, photography, gadgets, and great design.

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