To review: every other Tuesday is my day off and I’m trying to use this time to recharge my batteries. No work, no meetings, minimal errands. Last time, I visited the Aquatopia Cafe and caught a movie at the Bytowne Cinema.
Interesting fact about the word doldrums. It’s actually a sailing term which refers to a stretch of sea that is calm and utterly windless, which, as you can imagine, makes for challenging travel circumstances at best. So if you say your ship is stuck in the doldrums, it means you aren’t going anywhere fast. This is where I am right now; where I’ve been all week. I have been finding it very hard to muster up any enthusiasm for most things. I haven’t exercised for ages or done my daily treadmill time. I have stopped caring about making meals. Frankly, it’s too easy to drain the hot water tank when I’m in the shower these days. Oh, and I’ve gained a few pounds too. Blarg.
I knew that I wasn’t going anywhere on my day off on Tuesday. I did what I pledged not to do on my days off: stay at home and do nothing. When this happens I call it a lost day. I try not to be too hard on myself, but what I hate most is knowing that one day I will want all of them back.
Sidebar: Mark bought me a lovely birthday gift, a very pretty Kate Spade smart watch which I thought I wanted. It tracks your steps and will vibrate if there’s a notification, but since there’s no digital screen I’d need to check my phone. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I no longer want to be digitally connected to the world 100% of the time. My iPhone is enough of a distraction, and at least I can leave it in a different room and forget about it for awhile. Do I really need to be “on” all the time? I don’t think it’s good for my brain, my patience, my sense of calm. I often feel so scattered that I hardly feel whole. It’s been causing me some anxiety, actually. Should I really be wearing a gadget that feeds those feelings of anxiety as opposed to making them better?
Thankfully, Mark was understanding about the return. The sad part of this story is that I have yet to tell him what I want for my birthday instead. I can’t even think of anything that I want. Isn’t that weird?
It’s Friday now, and I’m feeling a bit better now, but Tuesday was rough. Perhaps I should blame my low mood on hormones. (That nugget is possibly TMI. If so, I apologize.) Maybe it’s because my eldest is leaving home for the first time and the day is drawing near. Sigh. More on that later. :(
