a peek inside the fishbowl

Ha! Your notes about all of your ex-boyfriends were a hoot. There’s some great stuff there.

How ironic, that the number of that post was ‘1991.’ That was the year I graduated from high school.

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On holiday Monday we decided to go for walk. We parked right off Westboro Beach and walked along the river, and after awhile we turned around and walked back to the beach. This is where I suddenly found myself face-to-face with one of my ex-boyfriends from high school.

I looked up to see this guy looking straight at me, pointing at me. He was only a few metres in front of me. I don’t think he said anything right away. My reaction was the same. I pointed back. In my brain there was a flicker of recognition, but I didn’t say anything either. Momentarily tongue-tied, I couldn’t place him right away. But within about 2.5 seconds it all came back to me.

It’s always strange to see people so far out of context. Something weird happens to space and time in those first few seconds. It sort of collapses upon itself, doesn’t it?

He looked more or less the same as I remember him. I wondered how he was able to recognize me. But somehow, he did.

This has left me wondering if I look good for my age. Would the people who knew me in high school look at me and say OH MY GOD SHE LOOKS FANTASTIC or HOLY MACK SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE WAS RUN OVER BY A TRUCK. Pretty vain huh? I know. But if I am utterly honest with myself I have to admit that this is something I care about. It’s also the kind of question no one would dare answer honestly, so I will just have to continue wondering. :)

I often forget how old I am. Didn’t I just turn 35? Or was it 36? Crap. 

I dug out my old prom dresses yesterday. Note the plural. There are two. The first is one I wore in grade twelve. It wasn’t actually my prom. It was his prom, the guy from the beach. He was a year older than I was, and it was his prom to which I was invited. The dress is harshly black, almost funereal, and was sewn by someone my mother knew. I remember picking out the pattern and the fabric. I guess I liked it at the time. I must have, otherwise I wouldn’t have worn it, right? 

That picture of me on the right is from yesterday. I tried it on with some trepidation. There are ruffles on the skirt, and a deep V in the back. It fit, sort of. I got a bit stuck on the way out of the dress, ha, but holy cats, I can’t believe I wore that thing. My mother likes to reminisce about how elegant it was. I always wonder if we’re talking about the same dress.

(I look like I have one arm in that photo. I assure you I have two arms.) The front of the dress really wasn’t worth showing here. Ug.Ly.

That dress saw quite the prom. Wow. It was like something out of an afterschool special. There were issues, but for the sake of someone’s privacy I’m going to keep them to myself. I will share, however, some of the funnier moments. I remember my hair was in a french braid so tight that not a single hair escaped from it, not even the next day. I remember asking our limo driver to pull over at a hot dog stand in downtown Toronto. I remember a big breakfast at my friend Tiffany’s house the next morning. Were we up all night? We must have been. I remember thinking her parents were so cool.

The second dress, for the second prom (mine, this time) is light brown suade with inset pearls. I’m pictured wearing it here … this photo was taken in 1991(!), in my father’s store.

I tried this one on yesterday too. It was also a little snug in the hips, but hey, I hadn’t had two kids yet! I remember buying that dress. My friend Jay and I took the bus to Toronto and came home empty-handed. And then I saw this one at Danier leather at a local mall. Although I’d never wear the dress again I’m secretly pleased I didn’t go the route of the puffy sleeves. I love the gloves. I still have them somewhere.

Whether the dresses fit or don’t fit anymore – it almost doesn’t matter. Those days are long gone.

I received an email from the boy at the beach yesterday. He may very well be reading this post, I don’t know, so I hope he doesn’t mind my reproducing his note here …

Hello Andrea,

I wanted to write to tell you how much I enjoyed running into you and your family yesterday. I was so surprised to see you that I couldn’t think of what to say. It was like I forgot how to talk.

I really hope it wasn’t awkward for you, I know I wasn’t one of the best boyfriends you ever had. For that I owe you a big apology.

Anyway, it was nice to see that you are happy and have a great family. I hope I get to see you again sometime in the next 19 or so years.

And my reply:

It was strange, made especially so given the fact that I was on heavy cold meds. :) I was surprised too! And Mark pointed out afterwards that we actually passed your family on the pathway at some point earlier. I didn’t see you, mostly because I was focused on the little girl with the sparkly sunglasses…. lol … but god, it took me a couple of seconds to realize that it was you there on the beach. How did you recognize me with my sunglasses??

I don’t think your apology is necessary, although a small part of me appreciates it on some level. (Gah – remember your grad night??) But so many years have gone by that I kind of have to laugh about it now. There is a lot I can’t even remember. i.e. How did we manage to hook up anyway? Bookish me and autoshop you. Hmm.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot these past days over who I was back then and who I am today, and I think that my highschool years – as totally awkward and cringeworthy as they were – helped create the person I am today. And I like who I am, and where I am. I’m a happy person, and equally happy about the life that has found me. So I guess I really can’t complain, can I?

Sorry for the long email. But there it is.