As soon as I finish here, brush my teeth, and change out of my pj’s I am going to crank the music and spend a solid 45 minutes on a whirlwind tidy up before I go back to work. I can’t think in this chaos anymore. I am setting the timer on myself to make sure I do the whole 45. For some reason this helps. I don’t get distracted. I get it all done faster.
The one chore I don’t mind doing any more is vacuuming. I used to hate it. We had a vacuum that had belonged to Mark’s parents. We kept it in the basement. It weighed about 100 lbs and was really difficult to carry. It was difficult to steer. It was mean to me. It had a hose with sharp edges that scratched my legs. And it tripped me about a million times. It must have had the engine of a lawn mower because that’s now loud it was when you turned it on. I avoided vacuuming at all costs. Thankfully, at the time, we had an area rug underneath our dining room table that camouflaged all the crumbs. It never looked dirty down there!
But now I have the Rug of My Dreams. It is deep chocolate brown with an asymmetrical pattern of variously-sized sky and wasabi-coloured dots on it. Every crumb can be seen from across the room. Can someone explain this scientific phenomenon? This rug, pretty as it is, somehow magnifies the crumbs/bits of cheese/cheerios if and when they happen to find their way down there. And this is something that happens quite often in our household. Because silly me, I bought a designer rug and put it a place where the four people gather to eat two, sometimes three times a day.
Not long after the purchase of the new rug we realized the old canister vacuum was sorely inadequate. It had been lying to us. Its roar was misleading. It was all bark, no bite. It just wasn’t hoovering like it used to. Sorry dear. Time for a replacement.
We went to our neighborhood vacuum store (Yes, there is such a thing. We like to shop local!) and saw The New Vacuum. And bought it. It was small. And light. And it SWIVVELED! And it had a specially-designed floor attachment that didn’t just push the crumbs around, but sucked them up faster than you can say “heyisthatapollypocketshoe.” I am fairly certain this glorious appliance was invented by a woman.
So now we have a Miele. I use it to vacuum crumbs off the table. I use it to dust. I use the lint-brush attachment to vacuum my black wool coat. I just wish it had a brush attachment with bristlier bristles, so I can give the baseboards in the front hallway a really good run for their money.
I never thought I’d say this, but I have actually come around to enjoy vacuuming. I vacuum almost every day. And it has become the kind of experience that is almost, almost, kind of fun. I know. I can’t believe it either.
