May 13th will go down in history as the day we broached THAT TOPIC.
Sarah, Emma and I were out for a walk after dinner.
“Mumma…”
I turned towards Emma. She had a look on her face that suggested she was about to ask a question that she’d been thinking about for a long time.
“Mum, what is s_x?” [bleeped out due to search engine issues]
I just about choked. Inside I was shrieking, “I’M NOT READY FOR THIS!”
I needed to stall.
“Why do you ask sweetie?” [Ugh, YOU’RE CRASHING, YOU’RE BURNING! Is this is REALLY THE BEST YOU CAN DO?!]
“Because F* said it was a bad word.” Did I mention that Sarah was there, listening intently?
“F* said it was a bad word? Um… How did this come about?” I asked. [KEEP STALLING!]
“W* meant to write SIX on the blackboard and instead she wrote S_X. F* said it was a bad word. What does it mean anyway?”
“Ummm… it’s a term that refers to how babies are made.”
“Did you and daddy do that?”
“Ummmm, yes. Yes we did that.” [Aaaaaaargh!]
“F* said that s_x is when a daddy lies on top of a mummy and their tummies touch.”
“Well, yes and no. There’s more to it than that. But yes. Yes.” [WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?”]
“So why is it a bad word?”
“It’s not a bad word. It makes some people shy and nervous because it has to do with people’s private parts.”
“But everyone has private parts!”
“I know. It’s strange, isn’t it?”
“…?”
“You know how mothers give their little babies b00bymilk?”
“Yes.”
“Do you think it’s okay for a mother to feed her children around other people, like at a park?”
“Of course! Babies get hungry!”
“Some people get upset by that you know.”
“What? It’s totally NORMAL. Those babies need that b00bymilk!”
“That’s true. But because private parts are involved some people get upset when that happens.”
“Really?” Emma was incredulous.
“Really. And the same goes for s_x. Some people don’t want to talk about it [LIKE ME. RIGHT NOW] but it is a part of life, just like birth and death is a part of life.”
“…”
“Now is not a good time to talk about it [BECAUSE MUMMY IS WOEFULLY UNPREPARED] but we’ll sit down and have a good long chat later, okay?”
“Okay.”
God help me.
