Subtitle #1: Can someone PLEASE use me as a case study.
Subtitle #2: How NOT to market to bloggers, a long ranty post.
I have been stewing over this post for almost a week, and I still don’t know how to go about writing it without sounding like a b!tch. But I’m annoyed. There. I’ve said it. Annoyed.
Where to begin?
I receive lots of email pitches for various products and services. I don’t mind, I really don’t. I like finding out about cool new stuff, not just for the blog, but for my work with SavvyMom too. I like it when marketers make life easy for me. And I like passing good info along to you too.
Sadly, many pitches are poorly written, misdirected, or totally out of whack with the kinds of things I write about.
I think what annoys me the most is ye old form letter.
Dear Blogger,
We love [a peek inside the fishbowl]! And we know you would love our new Dog and Cat Hypnosis CD…!
Hello! How many extra minutes would it take to write a personal email? (Hint: not many.) And by the way, I am not a dog or cat owner.
A dam has broken and I am on the receiving end of a great flood. Marketing people are dying to get involved in this THING called BLOGS and didn’t know where to begin. Many are stuck in old skool marketing mode in which they think that step number one is to INFORM i.e. spam all of the bloggers who may or may not be interested in their product/service/Pet Hypnosis CD.
I have received pitches which mispelled my name, tried to sell me goods that were only available in the U.S., etc. boring etc.
I have received good pitches, nay, excellent, friendly, funny pitches from human beings which have resulted in good stuff for me and for the marketing people. Remember the cool car seat I received? The printer giveaway? The theatre tickets? Remember when Loblaws bought my groceries for a month? Remember my trip to Disney ? (Ok, so that wasn’t really a pitch, but IT COULD HAVE BEEN, and it was a very exciting email to receive nonetheless.)
Dealing with the bum pitches was becoming a huge waste of time. Thankfully I found my solution over at Kate Trgovac’s site, a blogger pitch policy. Ha! I used it to create my own. I’ve been tweaking it here and there, and for the most part it’s worked quite well. (By “worked well” I mean “stemmed the tide.”)
A few marketing people have mentioned they find the pitch policy really helpful, which is great. The intent was ultimately to save everyone scads of time.
Like any business, there are people who want to do a good job (and will read the pitch policy) and those who don’t care and won’t bother to go the extra mile.
Phew. I’m finally getting to the point of my post.
So imagine this scene:
I am working at the computer. The doorbell rings. I look out the window to see a FedEx guy (!) staggering under the weight of a huge (!) cardboard box. (!) Ok, maybe STAGGERING is an exaggeration. The box is not heavy, but it’s big. I open the door and sign on the dotted line, wondering all the while WHAT IS IN THE BOX. I feel like I’m nine years old… exactly like a kid at Christmas. A Box. For me! HOW EXCITING. Did I order something and forget? (Ha. That is so very typical.) Did Mark order something for me? WHAT IS THIS?!?
I carry the box awkwardly into the office. I am bubbling with excitement. And then I see the packing label. It’s addressed to me c/o the Fishbowl. Uh oh. My excitement wavers a tiny bit. I prepare for disappointment. I slice open the packing tape and see a gift basket of goods which have been dislodged from the actual gift basket.
I know you want to know what it was I received, and I’ve thought long and hard and asked around and I am not going to reveal what it was. Sorry if this leaves you wanting, but I don’t want to promote these products in any way. I was (and still am) SORELY tempted to reveal the name of the marketing firm which sent it to me, but I won’t. (Why not? Well. If it was me who screwed up I wouldn’t want my name and company revealed on someone’s blog… that’s why.)
I will say that the big box was a collection of items I would never buy and would never consider using or recommending to anyone. In fact, if you, Marketer, had bothered to read any of my posts you would know that I am actually against the use of these products. I believe the products you are marketing might have a connection to fertility problems, a rise in asthma, and maybe even cancer. I don’t think your products are good for the environment. I believe that your industry has created its own senseless niche and perpetuates myths in order to make sales. I don’t like how you tap into collective insecurities in order to make financial gain.
If there was a petition to have your products banned from store shelves I would be the first to sign it.
Here’s the stupid part, I’m stuck with a bunch of products I hate and don’t know what to do with them. I’ve debated having it all shipped back to you but I don’t agree in shipping overpackaged goods by FedEx like you do.
To summarize: please don’t send me unsolicited products. Contact me first. And read my pitch policy. Thank you.
p.s. As for the rest of you, don’t forget about the Valentine’s Day bloggy blood drive!
