… and by ENTERTAINER, I don’t mean that you’re a juggler or a circus performer, or the kind of person who’ll suddenly lean over and pull a quarter out of someone’s ear. What I mean is, do you like to entertain? If you had to rate your love of entertaining on a scale of 0-10, how much do you enjoy it? Zero means you don’t want anyone to ever set foot in your place of residence while you are alive, and ten signifies that you’re practically an event planner who thrives when there’s always someone at your place or about to drop by and you wouldn’t have it any other way because this is the Natural Order of Things.
My recent Canada Day post got me thinking about this topic. If you spend any time online in the week leading up to Canada Day you have surely seen articles about “Fun Activities for your Canada Day Bash,” or “12 Recipes for a Canada Day Cottage Party,” or “Best Canada Day Desserts For Your Canada Day Picnic.” I’m sure the rest of the world thinks that Canadian gather at cottages and lakes in great crowds, drink beer and eat strawberry shortcakes and burgers by the bushel. And in some places, I know it’s true. Some people spend Canada Day that way, and it’s nice, I’m sure.
I have never in my life hosted a Canada Day party, and you know what’s weird? I feel bad about this.
I wish I was an entertainer. I like everything about having people over. I like people. Talking to people. Learning about people. Finding out what makes them tick. I like laughter, and hearing other people’s’ stories and perhaps contributing my own and Generally Expanding My Horizons. I like food. I like preparing it and eating it. I like to see people eating my food and (hopefully) enjoying it. I like to have a cold drink and I like to share cold drinks with someone, or a bunch of someones, in a nice setting.
When we renovated our home we talked about entertaining more often. The “old” space just wasn’t good for it, and Mark and I told ourselves that this new, more open space was PERFECT for entertaining. The back deck off the kitchen, perfect for small gatherings! The new tankless gas BBQ is perfect for grilling something up for a crowd at a summer gathering! But guess what, I can probably count on one hand how many times we’ve hosted dinner parties and the like. I don’t know why this is the case. I know parties. I have childhood memories of my parents entertaining friends. I was always sent to bed early, but I remember. I remember the food my mother would prepare. I was especially intrigued by grapefruits with cocktails spears all over them, each one was a little kebab of cubed salami and a cheese. Such deliciousness! In Czech culture, it’s traditional to serve open-faced sandwiches (really, it’s a thing) and my mother assembled multiple trays of them ahead of time: Sliced baguette with crab salad and a little smidge of red pepper for decoration, or ham and egg, prettily sliced with a little gherkin on top of each one. Back in those days, everybody smoked and drank. I remember waking up to overflowing ashtrays and half-empty glasses. Once, I mistook one for water and I was thirsty so I took a big drink. It was not water. (Hey, this was the 70s and 80s after all!)
The entertaining gene seems to have skipped me over. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I remember the countless birthday parties we hosted for our own kids. One side of me really enjoyed doing this for them. I liked planning a fun party they’d like, and there were many. But, but, but. I would get snappish in the hours beforehand. I felt like the burden was on me to plan, organize, and execute, and when it was done, I was always so utterly exhausted. How could I be so miserable in the hour before we were all supposed to be having so much fun?
If I really think about it, I’m anxious. About what, I have no idea, but I just can’t just relax about it very easily.
In Gretchen Rubin’s book, The Happiness Project, one of her rules of happiness is “Be Gretchen.” In other words, learn to accept the person you are. I’m usually quite happy to “Be Andrea.” It’s become a bit of a mantra. Even though people have been known to change over time, I can’t change the core of who I am as a person. I can’t change the path I’ve taken, nor who I have become, so there’s no point comparing myself to anyone who I may have perceived to “make it.” We’re not rich, but we’re healthy and happy, and that’s all that really matters.
So where does “Be Andrea” fall into the idea of entertaining at home? I’m not sure, exactly. I accept that I’m largely an introvert, albeit one that works in a job that requires me to be “out there” some of the time. Remember that by definition, an introvert is someone whose internal batteries are charged when they’re in a quiet space. For me, that’s reading, or walking, or writing, although these things don’t necessarily have to be a solitary pursuit. An extrovert’s batteries are charged when they’re surrounded by other people. They’re the centre of the party, whereas introverts are usually deep in conversation in a corner somewhere. That’s me.
So going back to the dinner party thing… I suppose the only thing that’s stopping me, is me. I want to entertain more frequently, so why don’t I just do it? Then again, why beat myself up for not being an entertainer?