a peek inside the fishbowl

1 | porter

November 5th, 2007 at 4:02 pm

For me, it’s Polly Pockets. My girls LOVE Polly and the tiny accessories. They can spend hours playing with them which isn’t what bothers me. What I can’t stand is that they are so expensive and the larger ‘structures’ are such poor quality that they forever come apart. Also, what’s up with the excessive packaging?

The other issue I have is with advertisements. My kids hadn’t seen commercials until recently because they watch TVO which doesn’t have commercials…but recently they have tuned into other stations which do have commercials. Holy!!!! They believe what they see, and this is why they haven’t been allowed to watch these stations anymore.

2 | Sharon

November 5th, 2007 at 6:39 pm

ANY TOY THEY ADVERTISE ON T.V. That make my boy want it just because it’s flashy and has no educational value at all!

Sorry he doesn’t watch much t.v. but what he does I hear MOMMY I WANT THIS FOR CHRISTMAS COME LOOK NOW!

need I say more?

3 | andrea

November 5th, 2007 at 6:57 pm

Porter: excess packaging drives me bonkers. I also hate it when every single little thing is wired or taped down to the back of the box.

Sharon: Our kids don’t watch commercial tv, so we’ve managed to avoid this issue so far. This also makes writing a letter to Santa kind of interesting. They don’t know what they’re supposed to want! Ultimately their lists are made up of the kinds of toys they truly love.

btw, when we’re at a toy store the girls are not allowed to say they “want” something. But they are allowed to tell me they “like” something. It makes a big difference – at least it does for me. ;)

4 | b*babbler

November 5th, 2007 at 7:52 pm

Toys I hate? The Playskool Busy Ball Choo Choo… My husband thoughtfully (ahem) purchased this for our daughter for her birthday. While very cute, it has the LOUDEST music ever (and no volume control). Why couldn’t they make the music optional, or put on a volume control at the very least?

Also, I truly hate Bratz dolls. And all of the dollies out there right now that DO something – pee, cry, laugh, talk. Why can’t it just be a dolly for goodness sake?

5 | Cyn

November 6th, 2007 at 7:30 am

I had to laugh at this post – I’m right there with you about toys. What is it that John Rosemond says – get the classics like legos and lincoln logs (although you can’t find either any more that don’t come with pre-conceived ideas on the boxes). Free-play, anything that has more than one use or can be turned into a bazillion things with imagination.

I found my 11 1/2 yr old playing with the Thomas the Tank Engine set we bought him for his first birthday (the big chunky ones pre-recall-days) just this week. Now that’s long-lasting-play-value. He’s building a town around it with his legos and I suspect there will be an outpost made of lincoln logs next.

6 | DaniGirl

November 6th, 2007 at 8:53 am

Hey, I just wrote about this today, too! Yeah, that First Fitness thing really made me roll my eyes (is that the one with the stationary bike that you set up in front of the TV? Gah!) I also am annoyed by those game consoles designed for babies. Seriously! For BABIES!

@B*Babbler – funny, the non-train version of the ball popper is one of our favourite toys! A little noisy, true, but every single kid under the age of seven who has seen ours seems captivated by it!

7 | Miss Vicky

November 6th, 2007 at 10:13 am

My mother and her husband – who rants regularly about the evils of noise pollution in our society – gave WeeG a Leapfrog “See N Learn Alphabet Train”. While the idea of a toy he can push as he learns to walk and ride on later is just fine with me, this one has a million buttons, each of which yields a noise or song or annoying contribution by cloying Leapfrog characters. It is the loudest children’s toy I have ever heard and it has NO VOLUME CONTROL.

8 | Marla

November 6th, 2007 at 10:18 am

I am hating the Princess stuff, and am having to constantly counteract how it is presented with Josephine.

I tell her “Princesses are real people, they are normal, and they just have extra obligations to their country and do a lot of charity work. The reason they get to dress so fancy so often is that they have a lot of charity events and parties to go to to raise money for the poor.” I want her to have fun and enjoy the fascination with the pretty – I don’t believe in stealing her experience – but I do need to temper it.

In the books, I hate that they’ve turned riveting Hans Christian Andersen stories into drivel. And I hate even more this one musical book that she loves, where “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow” has been turned into “For She’s a Beautiful Princess”. Thankfully she can’t read, and I won’t change the words when I sing it to her to that – it’s “For SHE’s a Jolly Good Fellow.”

9 | andrea

November 6th, 2007 at 10:37 am

Here’s the thing I don’t get… some parents complain about certain toys, yet buy it for their kids anyway. I know a mom who says she hates Bratz – but her kids have boxes full of them. What’s wrong with saying no?

10 | megan

November 6th, 2007 at 10:47 am

I’m with you about the Bratz. I do not allow them in the house and the girls know it. Evelyn got one for her birthday (it was one of those henious baby variety) and luckily she waited until her little friend left to ask if it had to go in the “donate” pile. I said that it did but then being Evelyn, she wanted to know why it was OK for poor kids to have inappropriately dressed dolls when she couldn’t?

Why do they make dolls for little girls look like prostitutes? ANd even by typing this I feel that I am doing prostitutes a diservice by comparing them to Bratz dolls.

11 | Marla

November 6th, 2007 at 11:43 am

This is a comment on saying no – and I sometimes do, and sometimes don’t – but here’s why I don’t think I will ever just say no, and why I will often say yes though I have a issues with certain toys.

Josephine took a yoga class, and one of the things I liked about it was that in it, she wasn’t required to follow everything the older kids and the teacher were doing. When I asked why, the teacher said “Because she is having a different experience.”

The next class, the teacher (Heather) talked more about it, and I listened in. She talked about stealing – things, objects – but more – how stealing experiences is also a form of theft. If someone is enjoying something, to criticize, to force them to change, or to ruin it with words can be like stealing from them.

It really opened my eyes. I realized that in a lot of places where Josephine and I had been rubbing, it was because I was not paying attention to her need to experience something differently.

She is very different than I am, and learns not from my words as much as by going through a situation or experience. She is also three and a half, and being three and a half now is very different from the three and a half that I was, or the three and a half my revisionist memory would like to remember. But, to explain more about how Josie works and why I’m not banning certain things from my home:

For example – when a kid at daycare called her a crybaby, the caregivers and I could tell her what to say back as much as we wanted to, but until he did it again, and we helped her say it for herself, it wasn’t real for her. One of the ways she is the same as me is that she is rather introverted, and gathers her energy from being alone and spending time using her imagination. One of the things that she likes to pretend to comfort herself is that she is a Princess. She has her own vision of what princesses are, as she doesn’t have many “Princess” things, and at three and a half, to her mind, they mainly wear pretty things and dance. She is aware I’ve tried to impart more information, but she is three and a half and think about it – there are very few women in her life that are as beautiful as a princess. And there probably isn’t enough dancing.

This post echoed my thoughts on it very well:
http://www.designmom.com/2007/11/theory-and-some-essentials.html

So, while I was one of those who said “None of that crap for my daughter” once upon a time, I realized that she has different wants, and they are as real to her as my desires for adorable prints on Etsy are to me. And it’s also my role to help provide Josephine with equally beautiful aesthetics – so better and more beautiful books than Disney’s, also with princesses, are on our Christmas List.

To treat her wants as less than mine is stealing her experience.

BUT – as a parent, I can provide direction. I can ask her why she wants things, and how she would play with them, and why they are appealing.

And so, the Princess book that plays music when she pushes buttons? That I hate because of how Disney’s changed the words? She wanted it because “I can “read” it myself without saying the words.” and she knows the songs, because I have always sung “Lavender’s Blue” and “Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush” to her, and she doesn’t know that the page is printed with utter nonsense from Disney. For her, the pictures are pretty, and the songs are ones she knows. It makes her happy, and independent of me ( a need these days) and I can give it to her because I know I can counter it with other information about how princesses really are, and she knows the difference between storybook princesses and real ones – but she doesn’t care. It was also thrifted, so I didn’t feel like I was buying into the machine. Understanding why she wants something is the key to why she can have it.

As for Bratz – we’re not there yet. But I cannot compare those dolls to prostitutes, because there are very real women in our neighbourhood who work the streets, and we see them nearly every day and Josephine doesn’t yet know what they do, just that sometimes I have to ask them not to “work” in front of the store. So, our prostitutes don’t look like Bratz. They look like real women too, just like Princesses. I’ll not be using that as a reason to disallow Bratz, because it’s not true for us, and when it comes time to talk more about street workers, I think it’s important that she knows few are like “Pretty Woman” or Bratz. When we have looked at Bratz in stores, I have explained that they are toys for older girls, and that we’ll talk about them more when it’s time.

I don’t know that I”ll disallow them – I’ll explain they’re not realistic, and why I think they are not appropriate toys for any little girl. I think that she is not the type of kid to be much interested them, as the only Barbie she has ever chosen is the Vet Barbie, and she liked the dog and cat with X-rays she came with. But, when it comes down to it – I think I will find a way to let her have her experience, but tempered. I’ll ask questions – show her ones in the thrift store and ask if they’re still as pretty without the packaging (I’ve already noticed what a huge difference that makes) and we already often talk about HOW she plays (is this toy good for outside, or in the bath, or to cuddle with too) and how it/they will fit into how she already plays. I’ll explain why I don’t like them, being careful not to make her feel bad for wanting something. If, and I hope she doesn’t, she wants Bratz because she thinks they’re beautiful – it’s not my place to decide what she should think is beautiful. But I CAN, and WILL, work hard to show her more examples of beauty in other forms, and will remember that it’s only for a little while should she feel strongly that she wants toys like that to be a part of her play.

To answer question? Why do they make dolls for little girls that look like prostitutes? Because “they” spend millions and millions researching what little kids want, and then teaching them pester power. They make these toys because studies have shown them what is appealing to little girls, and exaggerating what North American children find beautiful in terms of features – large yes, small noses, big mouths and hair, accessories – is just delivering the goods. Look at how sexualized My Little Ponies have become – from looking like pretty coloured horses twenty years ago to now having make-up and “come hither” looks directed over their enlarged asses (sexual parts on horses!). Longer manes, more accessories — they’re idealized women in horse form. But it’s not in a three-year old to discern all of this and be grossed out as I am – but also, to push on her why it’s wrong is also stealing something else: her innocent enjoyment.

12 | andrea

November 6th, 2007 at 12:31 pm

Thanks for your thoughtful comment Marla. I totally appreciate what you’re saying, and I agree with a lot of what you’re saying.

You’re right about stealing experiences. I hadn’t really thought of it that way. Our kids aren’t carbon copies of their mothers, they are their own little people and it’s easy to forget that. I do, like you, try to guide their developing sense of aesthetic without totally crushing their spirit. So when they point out a tacky painting of circus clowns at ValVillage and tell me they like it, I ask them what they like about it, but I will also tell them it’s not my style. They also know that everyone is entitled to their own style. Art, after all, is subjective.

But I do draw the line with the Bratz.

What I dislike most about Bratz is the fact they are designed to look like XXX sexxxxy children – which is creepy to me and frankly, reeks of pedophilia. I have a feeling kids find them “pretty” but don’t really know why they think that.

But it doesn’t matter. I want my kids to be kids as long as they can. There’s plenty of time to vamp it up later, but now, when they’re 6 and 8, I refuse to buy into it.

13 | Marla

November 6th, 2007 at 4:13 pm

I agree with you about them reeking of pedophilia – but it’s not likely pedophiles play with them or that thoughts of adults finding children sexually appealing even enters our daughters’ minds at these ages. I’m loathe to have to be the person who DOES plant those ideas in her head, and I’m already searching for ways to do so in a way we can both be comfortable with. Already I’m having arguments about “shame” versus “modesty” with my mother, in regard to a certain three and a half year old who likes to streak after her bath. When my mother told her she should be ashamed of doing it in front of Grandpa, I snapped. If there’s anyone she should feel safe in front of, it should be him and if there’s a problem he has that I should know about – out with it. After all – it was my Grandfather – her father – who French-kissed me and felt me up, and she didn’t prepare me or protect me. I don’t think a Bratz doll, or whatever version there would have been circa 1982 would have been what turned my Grandfather on, and I wouldn’t have been encouraged to respond differently (favourably, instead of scared and repulsed) to him if I’d played with one.

And I want Josie to retain her innocence as long as possible too, which is why I explain that make-up and certain revealing clothes are adult privileges, and that toys whose main purpose is playing dress-up like grown ups are for older kids too. As well, I stress more that being kind and well-mannered is more important than looking glamorous.

But I would not tell Josephine about these dolls not being allowed in our home because of how they look. That is only a short step away from judging actual humans who look that way.

I agree with you that they are designed to look sexxxy – but to a little girl, it’s as much a fantasy look as is a princess’. So, should one ever come our way, I would have to trust in my own involvement and her good sense. After all – a Bratz doll who plays “Let’s go rescue animals” is a lot different than one that plays the game that was hot in Josie’s former, less supervised day care. That game was called “Who’s the Fashionest, and if You’re Not, You’re Dead” – and the five and four year old girls were playing that for real. She’s not in that daycare any longer, and that was part of the reason I needed to find her another one.

So, I’m saying that I could understand that Josephine might some day find a Bratz doll attractive in its exotic glamour and want to play with it to fulfill a fantasy that can’t be realized in her own life (it just used to be called Barbie) or to just play with it because it’s beautiful to her. It’s more important to me that she understands the influence of the packaging and marketing, and that she has the knowledge that she’ll be making a choice that I disagree with. And you know what? I often give her that option, with consequences. Because, if I went along with all my mother’s hopes, wishes, choices and desires for me, I wouldn’t be here with a Josephine to even speculate about one day making Bratz decisions for and with.

And if I help her to play with it appropriately, and provide other toys and role models and influences that are equally powerful, I think that in the long run, any damage will be minimal. The worst that will happen is that other mommies will judge me.

14 | andrea

November 7th, 2007 at 9:47 am

Marla, I think you and I have hijacked the conversation here. :)

I have truly never thought about Bratz so much as I have this week!

re: pedophiles and Bratz.
I wasn’t implying that pedophiles play with them, but I think it’s bizarre to tart up a toddler, even if it’s in toy format. The sexualizing of children that bothers me. Wasn’t it the Baby Bratz dolls that came with their own baby-sized thong?

I know it’s all about sales. But designers of these kinds of toys are imprinting an adult kind of sexuality on little girls, even before the girls themselves are aware of such a thing. And I’m not convinced that teaching kids to play appropriately with the dolls is enough, because the “girls are sex objects” image is still there, no matter whether the doll is a vet or a sexy astronaut.

The last line of your comment gave me pause. I’m not judging you. My issue with the Bratz line of toys is my own. I’m just laying out my reasons, but I don’t think less of anyone who doesn’t share them. I think it’s wonderful that you have thought about this all so much. It’s clear that you are the kind of parent who is super involved with her child’s growth – and this is something I’ve always admired about you.

15 | Marla

November 8th, 2007 at 10:30 am

Well, now I think you’re right on about bringing sexuality to the forefront, and it being there in toddlers’ play however subconsciously. That is most likely the main reason I I have such a distaste for them too. But I”m still going to believe that the window that she’d have an interest in them is so small, and that there are other influences I find just as damaging, whether it’s the Old Navy pants for girls with the 4 inch butt crack showing rise or how Strawberry Shortcake has been grown into a skinny pre-teen.

As for being judged, I know that you would take more time and care to see through it than others – but I know you, and think you’re wonderful. But if Josie were to go out in public with one, you can bet I’d get the stink eye. As well, I don’t know that everyone has thought through their objections or agreement as much as we have, or has our reasons. It’s clear that there are strong opinions about them out there in the internets, but many of them aren’t as specific about where the problem is.

16 | Kim

November 8th, 2007 at 1:58 pm

Hi Andrea,

Just wondering if you have heard about the Aqua Dots recall? If not, copy and paste:

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=atvkP4tCbCks&refer=home

Today we have to be so careful about what we put in our little angels hands… it’s so scary.

17 | andrea

November 8th, 2007 at 2:02 pm

No, I hadn’t actually. But thanks for the mention, Kim.

Here’s another article about it.