10 Jan, 2008
Three things: two small and one bigger thing to think about
Posted by andrea tomkins in: Easy ways to make kids happy|Misc. life|parenting
1) As I walked home from the gym, swinging my umbrella, I realized something. Baton twirling has virtually disappeared. What happened? Why aren’t there more twirlers out there? Do you think it would be hard to teach myself how to do it? I always liked the thought of coaxing a steel tube to fly out of my hand, to soar in the sky, only to be pulled back again by gravity and will… the rubber stoppers covering the ends mere symbols of protection. I imagine it’s pretty easy to knock yourself in the head.
2) Every other house has a Christmas tree out by the curb, stripped and ready for recycling. How fun would it be if a bunch of them … oh, say a baker’s dozen – suddenly appeared on our front lawn, stuck upright in the remaining snowdrifts?
3) I wouldn’t call this a New Year’s resolution, but I decided that I would try to be more mindful of my children.
I talked to Mark about, and he’s taken on a new stance too. (Although stance might the wrong word here, as it implies something related to war, shoot-outs and old fashioned duels. This is not that. :) )
I think the best parenting advice I’ve ever read on the Internet went something like this:
When your children walk into the room, smile like a 100 watt lightbulb … and show them, by the expression on your face as well as your body language, that they are important to you.
I don’t know where I read it (does this sound familiar to anyone? I’d love to reread the original thread) but it makes sense. And it works.
Conversations with kids are tricky things. On one hand you feel like you need to use a crowbar to pry information out of them.
How was school?
Fine.
Did you learn anything new today?
I don’t remember.
How was lunch?
Good.
What did you do at recess?
Played.
Etc etc.
So when they do decide they want to talk, I now do my best to be mindful of the moment and try to remember that if they’re here, talking, it’s about something that is important to them. So I stop what I’m doing, turn around, smile a big “I’m so happy to see you” smile, and listen. And I ask a question to show that I’m listening.
Perhaps this all sounds contrived (and I know at least one person is rolling her eyeballs, thinking this is a bunch of modern-day hooey) but although it seems a little fake around the edges, I am doing this to establish better habits.
If they feel like I’m listening now, they’ll continue to want to share and talk to me later… when the topic of conversation goes beyond rain puddles and broken umbrellas and wet socks.
And I’m not sure how this relates, but suddenly everything has gotten easier. Frustrations have fallen away, and I feel like a stronger person, who has chosen a path that is leading somewhere good.
