a peek inside the fishbowl

02 Jun, 2009

A good lesson re: sales and social media and life in general

Posted by andrea tomkins in: Yaktivism

This past winter a lady we know got her car stuck in a snowbank outside her home in her suburban Ottawa neighborhood.

Have you ever had your car stuck in a snowbank? It’s not fun. Not only does it throw a wrench in your timeline, but the physical effort involved, the worry, and the COLD weather make it a rather stressful event … even more so if the car won’t budge after the first 30 seconds of revving the wheels.

A neighbor saw the lady struggling and he came out to help.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw another neighbor (an able-bodied man) standing at his window, watching them. She wondered whether he was going to come out to help, but he didn’t.

With the help of neighbor #1 she finally got her car out of the snowbank.

But this is not the end of the story.

The next day the lady found a note in her mailbox. It was from the neighbor who’d stood in the window in the warmth of his own home while she struggled with her car. He left his business card and a note to call her if she needed a new car. He was a car salesman for a major dealer here in Ottawa.

Here’s the lesson: if want to make a good name for yourself, or want people to like you, or you want people give you their business, don’t just sit around on your duff. Get up and make yourself useful.


29 Responses to "A good lesson re: sales and social media and life in general"

1 | Sherry

June 2nd, 2009 at 12:19 pm

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Wow. What a blunt opportunist that guy was.

2 | SC

June 2nd, 2009 at 1:21 pm

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And car salesmen wonder why they have a bad reputation! That is brutal!

3 | ian

June 2nd, 2009 at 1:38 pm

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Yowser – what a moron. One of the biggest reasons big corps get into charities is to improve upon their name, be good little corporate citizens. This guy obviously does not get it – and my guess is, he’s a lousy salesman too.

4 | Marla

June 2nd, 2009 at 2:26 pm

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I wonder about a fundamental attribution error here.

So, we know neighbour number two is generally able-bodied, but we don’t know his situation at that particular time. Why didn’t he help? Maybe he was ill that day, or he made an assumption that the first neighbour was help enough? Maybe there’s something we don’t know, and it’s not character-based.

It could be a lesson, if you write it this way and take it at face value. I’m not just playing Devil’s Advocate – I’ve just learned from working with Josie’s school not to judge on brief appearances.

So I think this is just something to wonder about. Maybe the question is – Did he also owe her an explanation for his physical inaction along with his offer to help her with the purchase of a new car? You see, he did offer to help, just in his own way, and after the incident. It’s just that help is doing what someone needs you to do, not just what you want to do. I tell this to Josie all the time.

You’re such a kind person Andrea, and I don’t think you meant that people should call him names or pass further judgment based on your writing here. At first this seems something that makes a good anecdote to teach a lesson – but I feel it’s as inconsiderate to him as he appeared to be toward the protagonist. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt.

5 | andrea

June 2nd, 2009 at 3:09 pm

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Hmmm.
Okaaay. Maybe he had dinner burning on the stove and couldn’t come out to help, I’ll give you that. But he shouldn’t have put his business card in her mailbox, don’t you think? It was pretty bold of him to do that..

There was no other explanation as far as I know.

I still think the story makes a good point about the importance of contributing to our communities (and snow tires!).

6 | BeachMama

June 2nd, 2009 at 3:16 pm

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Although I see what Marla is trying to say, I also know what you are saying. Now, if he were offering a brand new car for free after not helping then it would have been good PR, but the way he did it was kind of cheesy if you ask me.

7 | Marla

June 2nd, 2009 at 5:13 pm

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It is a good story, but it’s a little one-sided (and secondhand, right?) and lacks some depth and detail that would flesh out all the characters concerned (necessarily – it’s a blog post, I get it). It make a point about generosity of spirit – but also one of presumption. On both sides.

I do understand the indignation (on behalf of “the lady”), but I think the guy is damned now in the eyes of “the lady” no matter what he did. Does he still, or did he ever owe and apology and an explanation to make it right? Figuring out the right amount of contact is always difficult for salespeople, and he may have thought this was a way to offer his best help without intruding too much, whether or not his motives were altruistic. I’ve worked in sales for so many years, you can’t imagine the anxiety over how soon or how hearty just a “hello” should or should not be. Would “the lady” have preferred him to have made an approach in person? He then might have been deemed too pushy. Or, if he never offered anything, would the memory of his disinvolvement have faded sooner?

The best way to get rid of the grudge and build community might be to let him know where he went wrong, and why. So many others now know what he did – but does he? If the lady had said upon seeing him the next time “Hey, thanks for your card and offer – but we could have used your help the other day. I needed a literal hand, rather than a suggestive one!”, there might not still be these hard feelings. And, when it is time for a new car, it might really be nice to have someone like him to help.

***

This past winter, I got a bit grumpy that our neighbours weren’t keeping up on shoveling their sidewalk, and just did it along with ours – but grumbling. Then I learned that the husband had twisted his knee and the wife had broken her ankle. I didn’t know because we have different schedules and while I could see and hear them moving around inside, sitting and watching TV or cooking – I couldn’t see below the sill of their windows. I also found out that the wife’s mother had broken her hip and was going into a home; their daughter’s baby was premature; and one of their other kids was having marital troubles again. They were sick and tired and overwhelmed and I didn’t know until I had the chance to speak to them. They didn’t want to make me feel obligated, but also didn’t catch me to thank me. It’s sad that knowing their heartaches made mine lighter when I continued to shovel for them.

While what Car Salesman Guy did was something that rubbed salt in a wound, he may have done it while completely oblivious to “the lady’s” outstanding pique. Really – I don’t think he was all that wrong – and I bet he’d explain or apologize if given the chance to. Unless he took umbrage at being hung out to dry here…I’d have to say that he’d have a right to feel that he’d been derided without a chance to defend himself. Is the lady going to give him a chance?

8 | Mark

June 2nd, 2009 at 6:01 pm

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Actually Marla. There are no hard feelings towards the offending car salesman. It’s her neighbour. She holds no ill will towards him at all. She just deemed it unusual that she would struggle to get her car out with no help from her neighbour (who was watching from his window). If he was unable to help he should have explained that too her (I would have). The moral here is that if HE had come to help her and then casually mentioned that he is a car salesperson, she would have bought a car from him because he was so nice to help out. She just bought a new car and it was not from him. It could have been but he blew it….but she doesn’t dislike him for it. She just found it odd. No grudge.

9 | lacoop

June 2nd, 2009 at 6:20 pm

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I was thinking about things from Maria’s point of view as well, wondering if there was some reason the neighbour in the window could not help. But even if there was, he was at best a poor sales person because he should have anticipated a negative response from the neighbour (“hi, I saw you were in trouble, so I thought I would sell you something”). And maybe I am not reading correctly, but her car was stuck in the snow…if that’s the case, why the need for a new car? They get stuck in the snow too! At best, snow tires might have been recommended (if she didn’t already have them).

10 | Marla

June 2nd, 2009 at 7:49 pm

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Thanks Mark, and Andrea – I’m admitting to having a hard time overcoming my own issues about past judgements I’ve made, and maybe am too eager to encourage others not to judge lately. I’m transferring some issues I’m having elsewhere, I think. It’s been quite a year for me on that, I’ve been humbled and I have a newfound sympathy for underdogs. I had a discussion about this at the park in between posts! Got myself into hot water there too! Maybe I should blog again, instead of hijacking comments. My apologies, please accept them.

But, see, you’ve provided detail where some was lacking in the original post, which was quite pointed. And still, I’d have just said something to him around that time, and that would have been the end of it. It does seem weird to mention it at all here months (weeks? It was a hard winter!) after it happened, and it just sounds like he’s being shunned (and name-called by other commenters) and called out (however anonymously) for not having helped, without opportunity to defend himself, in a popular public forum, in the course of a story told by a trusted person whom I greatly admire and hate to think would be unfair. Conceivably, he could find out about this and be upset.

So, it seems everyone feels he should make or should have made some apology, or acknowledgement, most especially because of the business card thing. My question is still, is he even aware he did something odd? And without knowing why he didn’t help, weren’t actions taken based on that (i.e. purchase elsewhere – instead of specifically from him as a reward/communing as you’ve said; and this post)? I’m fine with the “do unto others and what goes around” moral, and am certainly one to embrace and practice it. I’m just surprised to see this here, and think some of the comments veered toward mean.

I’m just in a place now where I’m likening it to hearing from certain parents at school how “SOME people don’t even read to their kids” — and then hearing more from the students themselves and the teacher in various cases that it’s because they live in the shelter, they’re ESL and books in Turkish are hard to come by in a shelter in Toronto; or the parents are busy dealing with their aunt’s deportation or it’s hard to find time to read to them in between beatings. Some parents don’t volunteer, spend time getting to know the actual students that aren’t supposedly being read to, or finding out the details and truths from an accurate source (and here I am calling them out! See!) — they just mention this on a park bench in a group of their supposed peers like it’s some kind of abstract horror, then go and organize another event that the aforementioned “bad” parents can’t attend for the same reasons (oh..I do go on…sorry). It’s not fair to the subjects of the statements. And the ones being talked about don’t have the chance to set us straight, because they’re not at the park bench at 3:45 — they’re working, raising their kids and suffering who knows what that we aren’t privy to.

When I asked my neighbours what was up with the unshovelled snow, I just knocked on the door and mentioned “It seems like something’s up with you guys – I thought I’d check.” Just today I noticed an elderly neighbour’s lawn hasn’t been cut in ages, and asked her, and it turns out that one neighbour is a bit burnt out from helping her, and the other that used to has aged too much to do so herself. But asking helped me know. So, I’m just saying about the situation in the story above – yeah, it’s odd, what was described – but it’s not fair to the guy to tell it this way without knowing his reason, especially in the name of community, good names and being liked. Even if he does turn out, after all my proseltysing, to be just a thoughtless, plain old socially awkward (gasp) car salesman.

(Please still like me guys?)

11 | Tosca

June 2nd, 2009 at 8:52 pm

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@Marla: FWIW, *I* like you, whoever you are :)

But really, I do think we (and I include myself) are quick to judge. The reality is that we almost never know the full story. So much judgment is based on assumption.

Last year my husband was very, very seriously ill. Normally I’m one of those parents who embraces litterless lunches, making a real effort to fill those little containers with healthy, nutritionally balanced lunches. Always fresh fruit and veg, only home-baked goodies, homemade hummus- you get the drift. Individual (and even worse- nonorganic!) yogurt cups? Never! Well guess what? I was too busy working, juggling various childcare arrangements, going back and forth to the hospital, keeping track of school forms, library books, etc., that I made an executive decision to let certain things go. Prepackaged cereal bars, yogurt tubes, and (gasp) juice boxes became the norm.

Now, because I chose to maintain some privacy and share only with those closest to me, not a lot of people at school knew. At our school, I have no doubt I was judged. In fact at one point the teacher told me that a parent had suggested gathering the lunchtime little in a giant plastic bag as an educational tool. I felt like I had to explain- which by my choice, I chose not too. I’d rather be condemned than beg for approval.

12 | Loukia

June 2nd, 2009 at 9:42 pm

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If I was that woman, I most certainly would not be buying a car from that guy, that’s for sure. He just left a very bad first impression. And even if he has a heart of gold and he could not go outside to help because he was looking after his young children, first impressions are what stays with a person, usually, in most cases. I think it’s just odd that he left his business card for her the next day.

13 | Jen

June 3rd, 2009 at 7:17 am

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I agree whole-heartedly with Marla! I like you Marla (whoever you may be). This world needs A LOT less judgement and if you’re teaching your children this valuable lesson than good for you! Don’t allow a few comments from a blog change your values.

14 | andrea

June 3rd, 2009 at 7:23 am

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Of course I still like you Marla. Your consideration for others and the time you take you think out your thoughts is part of the reason why.

But I think you’re reading too much into my story. :)

It isn’t fair to judge people in circumstances that sail by in a matter of minutes. You’re right, we don’t know all of the story. But my intention was to use the post as a bit of a metaphor for good karma. The reason I’m digging it up now is that the idea of *helping others* (tho’ not necessarily for self-benefit) is something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately… maybe it’s because I’ve been doing a lot of “helping” these past few weeks.

I totally believe that what goes around comes around, good or bad, and that’s what I was trying to illustrate.

If neighbor #2 had helped the lady he could have sold her a car. I think if he couldn’t have helped for some reason, the proper thing to do would haven been to leave a note in her mailbox or better yet, next time he saw her he could have said something like: “Hey I saw you with your car the other day, sorry I couldn’t lend a hand but I was [insert excuse here]. Did you know I was a salesperson at [insert name of car dealer here]? Ha ha. If you’re ever in the market for a [insert name of 4×4 vehicle here] just give me a call!”

But he blew it. He could have used the opportunity to sell a car, but he didn’t.

I think the same kind of parrallel can be drawn in many situations life throws at us, especially in the realm of social media and Twitter. I am constantly surprised at the comraderie and the helpfullness I see in the Twitter community. It’s like barn-raising of days gone by. You help me, I help you. I love that.

Tosca: thanks for the reminder about judging others.

Loukia: you made a great point about first impressions too. Something to think about for sure.

Ok. This is the best comment I can make without having had a coffee! Great discussion!

15 | Mark

June 3rd, 2009 at 7:31 am

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I’m still leaning towards judging him without all the facts. If it were me, I would have toilet-papered his tree the next day and rang his door bell and ran away.

:)

16 | Tosca

June 3rd, 2009 at 8:14 am

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I know Andrea that your intent was to use this story as a metaphor for good karma, but I think you have been dancing around the issue of the car salesman’s intent. There’s an implication here that if his intentions were really virtuous, then the “right” way to express them would have been to do what you or the lady in need thought would be right- to go outside and help push her out. That’s *your* definition, not his. And maybe this is the definition that most people would use. But perhaps he is indeed socially clueless. Is social cluelessness a choice? Perhaps yes (because I do believe that sometimes people do choose to be jerks), but also perhaps no.

This reminds me of a funny thing that happened on our street last summer. Our garbage pickup is on Thursday mornings, in the wee hours. By 9:00 a.m., I’d see the the retired neighbour walk across the street to the house immediately opposite mine, where a large family lived. He’d pick up their scattered cans and lids, and blue box, and put them neatly alongside the side of their garage. This family was out all day as the parents both worked and the kids were in day camp. Finally one day there was a big blowout. The mum in the large family blasted the retired neighbour for trespassing and invading their privacy. She also felt that the retired neighbour was implying through his actions that they were slobs because they didn’t put their stuff away until the evening typically.

Personally, I’d be thrilled if a neighbour did this mitzvah for me. But at the same time I can see how not everyone would.

It all really bites of course because now these two immediate neighbours of mine don’t talk, when in reality, they’re both really great people who had a major misunderstanding.

As for first impressions, sure we get them, but they can be inaccurate, time and time again I’ve been proven. If I give off a bad first impression, so what? It’s your (and I mean you globally, not personally to you Andrea) loss as much as mine. Sad.

17 | pilsner

June 3rd, 2009 at 10:51 am

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I’m with Maria on this one.

18 | pilsner

June 3rd, 2009 at 10:55 am

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Not to mention that the argument is a bit gendered: men are supposed to push stranded maidens out of ditches, but women are not perfectly capable?!

What if the neighbour watching from the warmth of their home was a woman? Or what if the neighbour was an older person?

19 | andrea

June 3rd, 2009 at 11:01 am

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But we’re not talking about gender or ageism. We’re talking about a guy who didn’t come out to help a neighbour when given the opportunity and THEN TRIED TO SELL HER A CAR!

I’d like to turn this around for a sec: if you were the person who was stuck in the snowback, what would you do and how would you react if you saw that business card in your mailbox the next morning? Be honest!

Me: I would be annoyed.

FYI the lady in question just thought it was weird. She isn’t nursing a grudge and did not slash his tires. Nor did she buy a car or bake him cookies. :)

20 | Living lighting >> a peek inside the fishbowl

June 3rd, 2009 at 11:03 am

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[…] head is still spinning from that last post. The topic is making my head hurt and I can’t spend anymore mental energy wondering whether […]

21 | lacoop

June 3rd, 2009 at 11:15 am

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If it was me stuck in the snowbank, and nobody came to help, my first thought would be “this country is going to hell in a handbasket”. But, hey, I think that a lot because…well, I think this country is going to hell in a handbasket (that could be a daily blog in itself). And I would probably tell all my friends about the terrible salesperson who had the nerve to leave a card in my mailbox, but no sense to either help me or apologize that they could not help me. And then I would cool down and remember that we are all human and make mistakes all the time (like jumping to conclusions…just one of my sins). Andrea, your head may be spinning, but hey, this posting sure got a lot of responses! :-)

22 | karen at virtually there

June 3rd, 2009 at 12:19 pm

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If I’m completely honest with myself and everyone here…. I would have judged him and then written a blog post about it!

23 | porter

June 3rd, 2009 at 6:53 pm

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Hahahaha Karen at virtually there!!!!

I thought I left a comment earlier but it seems I had some technical difficulties. I would have judged him too…I did. I’d judge him alot less for simply not helping out (because yes, he might have a reason why he didn’t help) but I judge him on the fact that he dropped off his business card the next day! It’s a little too close to the lawyer who slips the car accident victim his business card don’t you think???

24 | BeachMama

June 3rd, 2009 at 7:01 pm

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Karen, you are so honest so yes, I will pipe in. I too would have judged and then blogged about it as soon as I got that card in the mailbox.

25 | andrea

June 3rd, 2009 at 9:02 pm

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*laughs*

26 | Marla

June 4th, 2009 at 8:05 am

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I’m glad this ended on a lighter note.

And for the record, Tosca, I’m against the parents who are judging the ones in our school who don’t have the privilege to volunteer. And, I used to (still do) pick up all the empty recycling bins on our block of five-ish houses and put them away right after the truck came – because I was home and that elderly neighbour whose lawn needs help uses a walker and couldn’t/can’t get past them when the sanitation workers left/leave them tumbled about. One neighbour apologized and said it’s because she often works out of town. The others were happy to have the mystery solved. But then, one day, I asked our neighbour who is a sanitation worker (just not for our street) to tell her friends about this, and the guys are now much more considerate about placing them to the side so that she can navigate. It’s a shame we need more explanations for true understanding.

Everybody here is awfully nice, and I was very interested in the discussion.

27 | Julie

June 4th, 2009 at 8:05 am

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While I can appreciate the compassion behind some of the comments, it comes down to this for me:

If someone punched me in the face, I would judge their action as aggressive (regardless of whether they were beaten as a child, had a bad day, or their spouse just left them).

And if someone left their business card in my mail box without a note immediately after noticing my car troubles on the street, I would judge their action as opportunistic (regardless if they helped me on the street or watched from their window).

In the first case, the individual could likely benefit from an “anger-management” program, and in the second case, the individual could definitely benefit from a “sales 101” program.

I thought Andrea’s post was amusing. It’s a good story — and that’s what every human loves.

28 | Scattered Mom

June 5th, 2009 at 7:33 pm

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Years ago, I was 9 months pregnant with Jake and walking out a grocery store with a cart piled high with stuff, when I took a turn and the cart fell over. Splat.

Able bodied men and women stood there and watched me struggle with the cart, and then ultimately let it go because I just couldn’t hold onto it. Not ONE person offered to help. Everything spilled out, things were broken, etc and people literally either stopped and stared, tsk tsked, watched and did nothing, or stepped over it and complained about the mess.

Eventually a few store employees noticed my plight and within minutes had my cart upright, everything back in it, and the broken items replaced free of charge. For the remainder of my pregnancy and six months later, they even helped me take all my purchases to the car every time I was in the store.

They won a customer for life. Had any of the people who watched me struggle offered to sell me something, I’m sure my response would have been extremely negative.

Helping doesn’t always mean that you’d have to be the person shoveling the sidewalk. Helping can be asking the person if everything is okay, is there anything you can do, and doing what you can. In my case, had someone even just told me they’d get me some help, I would have been grateful.

And you know what? There were no blogs back then. But I DID judge and wrote a letter to the local newspaper, which was printed. :P

29 | LO

June 6th, 2009 at 9:18 am

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I had to stop reading these comments as certain ones were irritating me (my opinion). Interesting how so comment over and over when judging (yeah, I’m judging here). It’s blogging. At the end of the day, it’s blogging. Keep it light and tight:)
:) SMILING

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My name is Andrea and I live in Ottawa with my husband Mark and our dog Sunny who is kind of a big deal on Instagram. During the day I work as a freelance writer. I am a longtime Ottawa blogger and I've occupied this little corner of the WWW since 1999. The Fishbowl is my whiteboard, water cooler, and journal, all rolled into one. I'm passionate about healthy living, arts and culture, travel, great gear, good food, and sharing the best of Ottawa. I also love vegetables, photography, gadgets, and great design.

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