When we renovated our home we opted for a front door with a high window.
This was a good call for two reasons: (1) Our house faces east, so the window illuminates a relatively dark corner of the house. (2) I feel like I have more security/privacy than our neighbours who have larger windows in their doors. I don’t want anyone who comes knocking to have a full view of what is on the other side.
We have a steady stream of people coming to our door; no shortage of sales people and scammers. Would I like my lawn aerated? Would I show my hydro bill? Would I like my furnace checked, for free? No. No. And no.
A well-dressed fellow came to the door last night, right around dinner time. My youngest was about to open it but I intervened because I saw, through our dining room window, that I didn’t recognize him. He was my age, well dressed, good looking. He greeted me in a friendly way when I opened the door.
“Hi there, remember me?” he asked.
“Uh, no, sorry.”
“I’m from down the street, at 519.”
“Ok.”
“I’m collecting money for [unheard of charity that involves disabled children]…”
He pointed to his clipboard, and to a bunch of material that was close enough for me to recognize as “official stuff” but just far enough away that I couldn’t see it clearly: a laminated badge with a logo and a photo, a list of names, a pad of receipts, photocopied pamphlets etc.
I am always, unfailingly, polite. Even when I think I’m being scammed. I told him thanks, “my charity dollars are limited and already spoken for,” and bid him farewell… but not before asking him to repeat his address (after all, this was what he opened with). I think I caught him off guard, and he stammered something about living “three houses down from [insert landmark here.]”
The kids have been instructed to never open the door if they see it’s a stranger. In fact, we have a VERY short list of people for whom they’re allowed to open the door when we’re not home. I think I was occupied in the backyard one day when one of them DID open the door. When I got to the bottom of the situation I found out why:
“The person SAW us mum, and we didn’t want to be rude and not open the door!”
Ah ha. So my kids, who we’ve taught to be always, unfailingly polite, are being polite when they really shouldn’t be.
It got me thinking about other times our daughters should not be polite:
- When they are in a situation that gives them a bad feeling and is making them uncomfortable. For example, they’re in a parking garage and someone is following too closely, or someone is rubbing up against them on the bus, or an adult tells them to keep a special secret. This is not ok.
- When someone causes them pain. I’m thinking about my youngest getting pushed down by an opposing player during a soccer game, or elbowed when standing in line at school. This is not ok.
- When witnessing bullying in the school yard. This is not ok.
Dear daughters: we may have raised you to be polite, and while I still believe that good manners are golden, it’s never rude to stand up, stand out, and speak out in your own defence.
