a peek inside the fishbowl

It’s guest post week here at the Fishbowl! Today’s post is by Delta Jones, the founder of justplaytoyrental.com. She describes herself as an avid believer in the value of unstructured play and a generally frazzled mother of 3. (Ha!) Delta is trying to convince the world to do less and play more, while still figuring it out herself. Her topic is one that really resonates with me… why (and how!) you should encourage your kids to play independently. Thank for your post today Delta! Read on Fishies!

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Mom, I’m bored! How many times have you heard this already this summer? Many of us feel responsible when we hear these words coming from our children and want to solve this ‘problem’ right away. We respond by providing technological entertainment and/or structured activities. But this may actually be undermining their ability to become creative, self-reliant individuals. When children are overly entertained, they do not learn to play alone and they tend to become increasingly demanding of your attention, frequently looking to you to entertain them.

Why is unstructured time (and even boredom) important?

Children need down time to play, imagine, create and explore freely. The ability to play independently, without adult direction, fosters important lifelong skills such as problem-solving, resourcefulness, and independence.

When given unstructured time, some kids will find something to do, after some minor complaining. But others might need a little more encouragement.

My #1 Tip: Play with your child! It might seem counterintuitive, but children are more likely to play independently if their ‘love tank’ is full.

Tell your child when you will be available to play (for example, 20 minutes after breakfast and 20 minutes before dinner). This play time is not meant to be time spent on outings or errands. It should be unstructured time at home. Explain to your child: “We’ll have some special playtime later but in the meantime, I have work to do.” Your child will likely come after you asking if it’s time yet. I try to answer in a very neutral tone, repeating the line above and ignoring any drama. Eventually your child will give up on you as a source of entertainment and his boredom will lead him to find something to do. Big victory!

When the time comes, follow through on your promise. Sit yourself on the floor and say, “What shall we do?” Let your child be the leader, bringing you things and giving you instructions about what role to play. Give him your full attention. When the time is up (a timer is helpful), be sure to tell him that you are looking forward to the next time, thereby reassuring him that there will be a next time.

Some final tips:

We cannot force our kids to be imaginative but we can provide them with an environment that will stimulate their creativity.

A – Are there too many toys around? Too many toys can be overwhelming for children. They have difficulty choosing and it makes them restless.

B – Do you have the right type of toys? Be sure your toy selection includes open-ended toys (simple toys that can be played with in several ways, toys that require children to use their imagination).

C – Provide your children with an area containing creative materials such as paper, boxes, glue, markers, stickers, popsicle sticks, tape, cardboard tubes, etc.

D – Provide your children with a quiet area for reading or quiet time. Visit your local library to keep it stocked with a wide variety of books. If your child is old enough, you can include a music player with headphones.

Take a few minutes to brainstorm. Help your child make a “Things I Can Do When I’m Bored” poster (with words or pictures). Once you have brainstormed however, shift the responsibility to her to decide what to do then walk away.

Here’s hoping your kids will soon expect less entertainment from you and rely on their own resourcefulness more often. Now find yourself a good book and put your feet up. You deserve it!

It’s guest post week here at the Fishbowl! Today’s post is by Kamerine Gardam, an Ottawa mom of two who blogs over at The Life of K. She’s a runner, a scientist, and a birth doula, and has written a great post for us about Ottawa’s new birthing centre. It’s very useful info for anyone who’s expecting, so please read and share if you can. Thank for your post today Kamerine!

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I have great news for you: Ottawa is getting a birth centre! Why is this great news? Let me tell you.

Right now, if you are pregnant and live in Ottawa, you have two options for where you can labour and give birth: one of the hospitals in town or at your home. You could have the baby at the side of the road, but nobody chooses that.

Most women have an obstetrician as their primary health care provider and have their baby at the hospital. In Ottawa we are fortunate to have a lot of skilled doctors and some really great hospitals. More and more women are choosing to be followed by a midwife during their pregnancy. These women can give birth at the hospital where their midwife has privileges or at home.

Midwives are primary care providers that go to school for four years to study normal pregnancy, labour, and birth. They provide research-based care during pregnancy and for mothers and newborns for the first 6 weeks.

Home birth can be beautiful but it can be a scary prospect, especially for first time mothers. A birth centre is the perfect compromise. Birth centres are stand alone medical facilities run by midwives. They are more comfy than clinical and have a lot of the comforts of home. They often have large private rooms, birth pools, and a relaxed atmosphere.

The Ottawa Birth and Wellness Centre is opening at the end of the summer and will be a great option for pregnant women and their families when choosing where to give birth. To qualify, you must be followed by a midwife, have a normal and healthy singleton pregnancy, and deliver no earlier than 37 weeks.

At the birth centre, you will not be able to get an epidural and if any complications arise you will be transferred to the hospital. For a straight-forward vaginal birth however the birth centre has everything you need.

Just like delivering at the hospital or at home with a midwife, when you choose the birth centre, you would contact your midwife at some point during labour (you discuss this ahead of time) and make your way to the birth centre when the time is right. You will have two midwives there: one remains your primary care provider and the other takes over care of your baby. The midwives support you during your labour, helping with pain management and coping techniques, suggesting different positions, and eventually with the birth of your baby.

Once the baby is born, midwives help with breastfeeding (if desired) and with newborn care. Ideally, mother and baby will be sent home pretty quickly, making way for another pregnant mama. The birth centre is expecting to have upwards of 500 births a year.

As a birth doula and someone who is very enthusiastic about pregnancy and birth, I celebrated the news that Ottawa would be getting a birth centre. I am looking forward to having a chance to support clients there. I hope having a birth centre leads to more women choosing midwifery care for their pregnancy and in turn helps to normalize pregnancy and birth. This will lead to fewer interventions, fewer births by cesarean section, and better outcomes for mothers and babies.

In addition to being a place to give birth, the birth centre will also offer the following programs: prenatal and postnatal education, lactation counselling and support, prenatal and infant nutrition advice, exercise programs for pregnant and postnatal women, and reproductive and sexual health education.

Ottawa is lucky to have the birth centre opening, giving women another option when it comes to where to give birth. With more women choose midwifery care, having a birth centre just makes sense.

If you want more information about midwifery care, check out the Ontario Midwives site. And remember, a birth doula is a great addition to your birth team, providing information and support both during pregnancy and throughout your labour. There are so many great doulas in Ottawa and if you’re looking for one, Doula CARE is a great place to start. And you can check out my site – Tiny Feet Doula Services.

A big thanks to Andrea for letting me use her space to share this with you.

It’s guest post week here at the Fishbowl! Woot! And we’re kicking things off with Jennifer Perlin. Jennifer publishes a community website called Kids In Kanata that includes a regularly-updated blog. She writes about both the serious and trivial sides of parenting as well as various events going on in the community. Thank for your post today Jennifer!

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From as early as I can remember, I liked to write. Recording the events that occurred on a given day in my journal was something that I always looked forward to.

I was about 8 years old when I discovered diaries. Our babysitter was over one night and I started playing with her key chain, enthralled with all the different types of keys she had. The last key I looked at was really tiny.

“What’s this one for?” I asked, completely intrigued by how teeny weeny it was!

“That’s the key to my diary,” she replied.

“Diary? What’s that?!”

“It’s a book where you can write your feelings and your secrets. The key makes sure that it stays locked so that nobody will open it up and read your private thoughts.”

After hearing this explanation, I knew that I IMMEDIATELY had to have a diary. More than I wanted anything in the world! I remember waking my parents up the next morning, informing them that they HAD to get me a diary – WITH A KEY!! It was essential that I had one that very day so that I could write down all my BIG IMPORTANT SECRETS.

Here is a picture of my first entry written in April 1989. I was 8 years old and thought I was the coolest with my new leather diary:

As soon as I got my first diary, writing quickly became an escape and a way to unwind. I remember locking myself in my room regularly to write about anything that was on my mind. Bullies, crushes, fights with my sister and my parents. I liked the fact that it was something over which I had complete control. I could write whatever I wanted, about whomever I wanted, and nobody could do anything about it. It was satisfying to me, watching those pages fill up with words – my words- every day. I also enjoyed reading back through old entries from time to time, and seeing how much things had changed and feeling that I had grown.

Although I wrote only for the enjoyment of it, here have been some really interesting studies on the positive effects of writing, both physical and psychological. Some of the more interesting correlations that have been found in adults include:

• Improved immune system functioning
• Reduced absenteeism from work
• Improved working memory
• Improved sporting performance
• Higher students’ grade point average

Over and above the scientific findings with proven positive benefits of writing, here are some additional reasons why I think kids (and adults) should keep a journal:

1. It helps improve written communication skills and the ability to write descriptively. My sister is an English teacher and apparently this is a VERY difficult skill to learn for many children.

2. It is an outlet for making sense of emotions and thoughts. Writing can provide clarity and insight into life’s problems or challenges.

3. It makes you more observant. If you know that you will be writing about your day, you are more likely to take the time to notice all the little things of the day to day that make it special and worthwhile.

4. The bad becomes a “story.” When things in life go wrong, and you’re a writer, you think “well, at least this will be a good story.” It can be a nice positive spin on a negative event.

5. It’s a time capsule that you will have forever. Reading old entries (really old entries) can really bring up latent events and memories.

Now that I am a mom, I find myself appreciating that time capsule I made when I was a kid. It’s pretty neat having a document that allows me to relive some of the feelings I experienced as an adolescent.

Here is an entry from when I was 12 years old:

This particular entry reminded me of those occasional feelings of exasperation and frustration when it came to my mother. Sometimes I really wanted her to talk to me, rather than send me to my room. I’m really hoping that having this insight will help me be a better parent, particularly during those challenging adolescent years!

If you’re worried that your kids will look at you like you’re crazy for suggesting that they do something so old fashioned, don’t worry. I recently came across an article that talked about a journal app called Momento. I haven’t tried it yet, but it looks pretty cool.

Encouraging your child to write starts with discovering the format they are comfortable with and discovering what inspires them. Here are some suggestions to help you get your kid develop a love of writing (pdf). They will thank you for it when they’re older.

Happy writing everybody!