a peek inside the fishbowl

Mark is going in for The Procedure on Monday. Getting The Snip.

It’s something we’d been thinking and talking about for some time: Should we, or should we not have a third child?

Very very very rarely I catch myself wondering who that potential third person could be. I can’t imagine a world without Sarah’s guffaw, or Emma’s hugs. What, or should I say who, are we missing?

Also: baby gear. I love baby stuff. The clothes, strollers, the linens, the toys … where were they 11 years ago, when all the diaper bags looked like diaper bags? 

Also: maternity clothes. When the girls were born it wasn’t quite socially acceptable to embrace the bump. I wore tents made to look something like clothes. And here we are, in 2010, with outfits like this. I would sooo rock it.

Also:  I see parents holding their babies and I think, wow, that’s so special and beautiful. Babies are so cute. And so new. And SO soft and they smell great. Wouldn’t it be nice to visit that place again?

But here’s the thing, having a baby isn’t VISITING, it’s MOVING IN. The harsh reality is that although babies can be wickedly wickedly cute at times, they are also a lot of work. Mark and I are too old to parent a newborn. Heck, newborns are easy, it’s the other ages/stages that are hard.

I remember times when seemingly mundane things such as TAKING A SHOWER and getting out of the house without a stained shirt were considered small victories. I remember following toddlers around while they learned how to walk, worried about them falling and crashing. I remember the screeching and the tantrums. The oatmeal hardening on the floor. The tears – mine and theirs.

But you know what really killed me the first two times? Sleep deprivation. I lost precious brain cells and never truly got them back again.

Piper sealed the deal for us. She had a gastro issue a few months ago and I found myself out on the front lawn with her several times during the night. It was awful, for her and for me. I was a train wreck the next day. Bleary-eyed and stupid from lack of sleep; practically unable to function.

Can I afford to do that to myself? No. Can Mark afford it, double no. He’s pushing 50. (!)

(Oh man, I see that in print and I can hardly believe it. If we had a baby now he’d eventually be a retired parent of a teenager. Gadzooks.)

If we had a third child I don’t think I’d be able to be a very good parent.

I like my life, a lot. It’s mine again. My body is mine, and it’s taken awhile but my time is becoming mine again too. The girls are old enough and incredibly self-sufficient. I don’t have to watch them while they’re playing outside. I don’t have to wake when they do. They are making their own breakfasts and paddling the family canoe. Maybe this will be the year we take up skiing.

Monday is coming up fast. In the meantime I will quietly count my blessings and at the same time, mourn the fact that this stage of parenthood is over.

Random observations:

• Mmmm… chocolate !
• Just because my lattes are sugar free now doesn’t mean I am LOVING them. Yet. The Sugar Fast is still rolling around my head. More on why later. :)
• It must be October, or the end of a very grey September. Today is officially day one with my Litebook. (I wrote about it once here.) Egads, it is such a sanity saver. I still think it’s the best money I’ve ever spent.
• Using Skype for conference calls is COOL. Yay for technology! Not only do you get to see people you’re chatting with, but you really only need to be dressed from the waist up!
• We are dog-sitting. I’ve decided that having an extra four furry legs around here is twice as much work.
• Last night was the second official Ottawa Brain Drain; an informal, blog and social-media related information exchange that happens over beer and nachos. Shannon (from ThreeSeven.ca and Ecochick.ca) and I co-organized, and Annie graciously attended as a knowledgeable guest to share her own experiences with all of us. The topic was blog monetization a.k.a making money from your blog. It was a REALLY GREAT night. I had a great time and learned so much. Everyone knocked my socks off! In fact, I woke up this morning at 4:00 and wasn’t able to get back to sleep… that’s how charged I was – and still am!
• Today is writing day, so I better get at it. I have some Very Fun Projects on the go right now. But first, breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day you know!

I think everyone probably agrees that the best time to catch the peak of fall is between now and mid-October. What I didn’t realize was the Ontario Parks website has a really great feature… you can practically track the best time to catch the best fall colours here and around the province. Check it out. It’s super-detailed. Great for people like me. :)

The NCC calls it Fall Rhapsody, and they often have events to celebrate the season. Right now they are hosting an educational program for the whole family called “Follies of the Fall Forest” (click here for info in PDF format). Fall is a big event here in Ottawa!

I like to go to:

• the Stony Swamp trails near Bell’s Corners (where these photos were taken), including the Jack Pine and Lime Kiln trails … which I wrote about for SavvyMom in ’07 and you can do some of this:

• Gatineau Park: the Champlain Lookout is a great place – where else?
• the Arboretum (near Dow’s Lake and the Experimental Farm)
• the Wakefield Steam train (I wrote about it here). We haven’t done a fall tour, but I bet it’s a great way to see the fall foliage.
• Barrhaven! The old Nepean Quarry would be a nice place for a fall walk. Mud Lake in the west end of the city would be pretty too.
• the Lusk caves ! What about Hog’s Back Falls? Less emphasis on trees but it’s so pretty there.
• ETA: twitter peeps are chiming in to add Rideau Hall, Mackenzie King Estate, Voyageurs pathway in Gatineau, Ottawa River between Beacon Hill and Orleans …

So are so many places to catch a sight of the fall splendour. Whether you’re hiking or just driving, you certainly don’t need to go far.

Where do you go for the best views of autumn in the Ottawa area?