a peek inside the fishbowl

08 Jun, 2007

So here’s what happened

Posted by andrea tomkins in: Misc. life

Mark and I were sitting on a picnic table that was situated between a playground and a parking lot, and next the place where our kinder were participating in an “Organized Recreational Activity.” (I’m phrasing it this way in order to better protect the identity of someone coming up momentarily … stay with me here.)

We were chatting when Mark told me there was a little girl crying in one of the parked mini-vans.

“Crying? Like really crying? Is she locked in or something?”
“I don’t know.”

We both wondered. What should we do? Well, we walked by as if we were walking into that Place of Organized Recreational Activity. Indeed, there was a crying girl inside, maybe four years old.

I approached the minivan. The window was rolled down a couple of inches.

“Are you okay?” I asked. She didn’t say anything. I tried to see inside the van. “Are you alone?”

I pointed to the building. “Is your mom inside?” She nodded yes.

“What’s her name?”

She mumbled something I couldn’t understand.

Mark and I went inside. I was pretty sure I knew who I was looking for because I remembered the girl and her mother from previous weeks.

As Mark and I walked through the door the mother turned around in her chair. Our eyes met. I pointed at her. Did I look angry? Accusatory? I’m not sure. Remarkably, we had a brief conversation that consisted almost entirely of half-formed sentences.

“Are you … ? ” I asked.
“Is she …  ? ” she asked.
“Yes,” I said. “Your daughter is crying outside in the car and is asking for you.”

(I’m still not sure what she was going to say to me. Is she … what ?)

The other parents turned to see what was going on. I could not read the expressions on their faces. I wondered what they were thinking? Were they upset? Relieved? Sympathetic? Understanding? 

Mark and I sat down. After a few minutes we decided to return to our spot on the sunny picnic table outdoors. On our way out we passed the mother and daughter coming in. The girl was no longer crying. She had her head down, carefully unwrapping some kind of snack bar. The mother didn’t look at me. I didn’t look at her either.


Gah. I’m torn. I’m not sure if I should have even written about this.


14 Responses to "So here’s what happened"

1 | Claudette

June 8th, 2007 at 9:05 am

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I have questions: was the girl sleeping when the mother went in? If she was sleeping, and the mother left her in the car, was it because the girl didn’t sleep last night? Maybe the mother was happy to see she finally fell asleep and didn’t want to disturb the few precious moments. But then, maybe she could have continued driving around and let the child sleep without leaving her in the car alone. Or, if she (the mother) was hungry, choose to drive through a fast-food joint and pick up food rather than go inside someplace and leave the child? So many questions….makes you think about the parents who went dining at the resort in Spain (?) and whose little girl was abducted….I don’t know. I am not sure how I would have dealt with the situation had it been me who found her. I mean, I get upset when I see a dog in a parked car in the summer…I do know I wouldn’t leave my child in a car. I don’t leave the dog either, I’d rather leave him home…

2 | Marla

June 8th, 2007 at 9:11 am

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You’re not writing this because you want to hear that it was a brave thing to do – but it was. When it comes to a kid, it’s so hard…if you’d done nothing you’d still feel as torn over it.

3 | andrea

June 8th, 2007 at 10:03 am

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*sigh*
I don’t think it was brave at all. We don’t know the parents, we don’t know the kid, we don’t know anything.

Question: should I have said anything else to the mother? Should she have said something to me? Or is it best not to say anything?

4 | Roz

June 8th, 2007 at 10:05 am

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oooo….that sort of thing makes me SO. MAD.!. argh. I’m mad just sitting here reading about it.
I would have had a LOT more to say to that woman. Like “are you f#*%&^! kidding me???!!”
But that’s just me…the kind of person who gives people dirty looks (and occasionally says something) when they park in a handicap spot when they are CLEARLY not handicapped!

5 | Kim

June 8th, 2007 at 11:57 am

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Wow, you so did the right thing! And if you can bring any sort of awareness to this issue, if you can stop one mom or dad from leaving their child in the car then writing about it is so worth it. And I do think it was a heroic act :)

People just don’t see the dangers involved. Death, kidnapping, accidents (what if someone hit the parked vehicle?) and so many other risks.

That mom should be locked in a hot parked car for a while so she can see how it feels…

Kim

6 | Tali

June 8th, 2007 at 12:26 pm

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She was going to ask “is she awake?”.

She had left her little girl sleeping in the car and didn’t want to wake her up to bring her in. Totally dangerous and totally illegal…

7 | The Veggie Vixen

June 8th, 2007 at 12:53 pm

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You certainly did the right thing by finding the mom. I don’t get it though, was she attending a meeting and left her kid in the car? That’s weird even if she was asleep and didn’t want to wake her up.

8 | Michelle

June 8th, 2007 at 1:12 pm

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I just want to make a quick comment to Roz. Not all handicaps are visible and you shouldn’t assume that they don’t need to park there. As long as they have a sticker – assume they have it for a reason. That’s all.
PS – Andrea I think you did the right thing and i don’t think you needed to say anything that lady KNOWS.

9 | katie

June 9th, 2007 at 9:16 am

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You did the right thing. Leaving a child in a car is NEGLECT.

10 | liss76

June 9th, 2007 at 10:16 am

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Could she see her vehicle from where she was sitting? I’ve left one or both of my kids in the car before when they are sleeping, but (with one notable exception) I am always within eyesight.

For various reason, though, I often left my youngest in the car when dropping off my oldest at preschool (on a safe and quiet road–the same one you’re on, Andrea)–7 minutes at most–because it was simply safer to leave him safely bucked into his carseat than try to carry a screaming, tantruming, *very heavy* 2.5 year old down three flights of stairs. After carrying him down this way for weeks, I fell one day while holding him and slid down an entire flight of these hard stairs on the side of my leg and hip. I am so very thankful that I managed to lay in a way that he was on top and unharmed, but my leg was black (BLACK) from ankle to hip for several weeks. The car was a safer option and there was always a parent around to keep an eye open.

Leaving a child in a vehicle isn’t always neglect–I bvelieve it depends on the specific circumstances. Yesterday my youngest fell asleep in the car while I was running errands. I left him in the car with all the windows rolled all the way down, parked right in front of the shop doors, and went inside (located in an extremely low-traffic strip mall, and having ceiling to floor windows all along the from of the store). He was in sight and in the shade the entire time.

Is that neglect? I would argue that it isn’t. He needed his sleep and I needed to run my errand.

11 | andrea

June 9th, 2007 at 5:10 pm

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FYI – the mother could not see (or hear) her daughter from where she was sitting, inside the building.

I think the majority of parents have done something like this, in varying degrees. So when is it neglectful, or potentially harmful? When isn’t it?

12 | mrsgryphon

June 9th, 2007 at 5:37 pm

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Right this very minute, I’m sitting in my truck, in front of my house (yay for wireless!) because my daughter is still sleeping in her carseat. We live on a fairly quiet street, and I could see her if I sat in one particular chair in the living room by the window. Still, though.

Not sure what I would do if I had 2 children, and only one was sleeping while the other one needed to be at “an organized recreational activity”.

Oh goody, she just woke up, now we can go make dinner! :)

13 | The Veggie Vixen

June 9th, 2007 at 9:15 pm

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I don’t think it’s neglect if a parent runs in to drop a child off and quickly runs back to the car or if the child falls asleep and the parent leaves the chld in the car while s/he can still see him/er. However, it sounds like the parent in this case was neglectful.

14 | Robert

June 10th, 2007 at 7:34 pm

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9-1-1

then she’s unlikely to repeat

C-J-O-H

then someone else is unlikely to try

Can’t legislate stupidity. Can try to educate it away though.

Of course, I can’t help but note the lack of community and social trust I’m (we’re) observing – could that possibly be contributing to? – and the results we’re witnessing in terms of ‘crime.’

Could there be some connection? Was (did?) this mother unintentionally or subconsciously making (make) some sort of statement? Is there a lesson everyone can take away from such experiences?

Either way, such actions are inexcusable, and defy logic.

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My name is Andrea and I live in the Westboro area of Ottawa with my husband Mark and our dog Piper who is kind of a big deal on Instagram. We also have two human offspring: Emma (24) and Sarah (22). During the day I work as a writer at the Royal Ottawa Mental Health Centre. I am a longtime Ottawa blogger and I've occupied this little corner of the WWW since 1999. The Fishbowl is my whiteboard, water cooler, and journal, all rolled into one. I'm passionate about healthy living, arts and culture, travel, great gear, good food, and sharing the best of Ottawa. I also love vegetables, photography, gadgets, and great design.

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