a peek inside the fishbowl

In that Robert Putnam piece, this is heartbreaking. http://t.co/g1Bm9o5djo pic.twitter.com/c8qPcdCfhp

— Dan Gardner (@dgardner) March 7, 2015

• 5 Psychological Blocks that Stop Bloggers Going from Good to Great, problogger.net
• Spend less on stuff, more on experiences, theguardian.com
• Do we need a gadget to tell us when to eat a banana?, theglobeandmail.com
• Vitamin and mineral supplements are big business, but their health benefits remain uncertain, nationalpost.com

On the nightstand: The Sandcastle Girls

This article (Female company president: “I’m sorry to all the mothers I worked with”) has been going around the Interwebs. Have you read it? If you’re a parent in the workforce it will probably be of interest to you. It’s seemingly about gender. The author, who was in a powerful position, admits to a glaring bias as it pertained to hiring mothers.

She’s since changed her tune, but I’m thinking that her story is really about kindness, understanding, and a lack thereof.

The workplace is a microcosm of the world, and the truth is that there will always be jerks who will end up in management positions. There will always be good employees and bad ones. There are all kinds of people in the work force, with all kinds of prejudices and misconceptions. The trick is to surround yourself with the RIGHT people and hope that you can change those who have crappy/prejudicial/idiotic ideas about hiring mothers/fathers/[insert whatever demographic here].

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It seems a lifetime ago that I worked full-time in an office environment. I remember how little time we had to spend with our eldest, who was a baby at the time. This was back when maternity leave was only six months long. Not very long at all. We’d pick her up at the end of our workday. Her bedtime was 6:30. It was unavoidable. She’d nod off to sleep at the same time every night, sometimes in her high chair if we were having a “late” dinner. I remember how sad I felt that I wasn’t able to spend much time with her, that the Italian nonna we left her with every day knew her better than we did.

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It wasn’t easy, being a parent and working full-time. After the time with the nonna, we added another kid to the count. We had one car, and the multiple array of issues that go with having two working parents: surprise meetings and work emergencies, thrown-together dinners, and sick days… oh the sick days. Of course it was not just our own sick days, but our children’s sick days. I remember the feeling I’d get, sitting at my desk, when the phone rang. Once glance at the call display revealing that it was the daycare calling. My first thought was always “oh no,” and I’d pick up the phone with the dread that comes with not knowing what kind of wrench was going to be thrown in my day. It was almost always a fever. Or pink eye. Someone seemed to get pink eye every week. One of the kids was bitten once. Man, those were the days.

It was always a rush to get to daycare in the afternoon. They start charging if you’re late. One time it was discovered our car had a flat at the end of the workday. Mark took it to the tire place and I called a cab so I could get to daycare before (a) they started charging us and (b) our kid started to think we had abandoned her. The cab took ages to pick me up. I thought I’d have a heart attack waiting for it, and again in the back seat during the stop and go rush hour traffic. Mark and I arrived at the daycare at the same time. Me, leaping from the back of a cab, him, with a newly fixed tire.

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I remember a conversation I had with my boss back then. I told him I needed some time to bring my kid to a dental appointment. I was standing, he was sitting. A desk separated us. Scratch that, MORE than a desk separated us. He seemed unhappy that I was asking for time, but agreed, begrudgingly. I was grateful, but the gratitude was swiftly replaced by anger. I was angry that I practically had to plead for time off in this way. I always met my deadlines. I worried and cared about client projects as if they were my own personal projects. I put in my share of time and emotional investment, and more often than not the work was thankless. Wouldn’t it have been nice – so progressive – for him to say, without a flicker of a grimace, “OF COURSE ANDREA. Take some time to take your child to the dentist. I understand this is something important you need to do for you and your family. We know you work hard and meet your deadlines, so go ahead, and don’t worry.”

Then again, why is this behaviour considered progressive? Shouldn’t it be the norm?

I am a busy mamma, but I’m one with a flexible schedule. For this, I am eternally grateful. Our youngest is sick at home with the flu this week and I’m happy I can be here for her and still get work done. Frankly, I don’t understand how working parents do it. You know what would help though? I lot more empathy for starters.

Awhile back I was at a blogging conference, in the audience, listening to a panel of speakers. I can’t even remember what the topic was about, but someone I knew from the blogging world stood up during the question and answer time and shared her exasperation about (a) not being on the receiving end of swag and (b) not getting invited to exclusive blogger-related events. I was shocked at her outburst at the time, but I get it. Some people don’t like seeing other people getting stuff all of the time. I guess it’s because the person on the receiving end of those invites has achieved something he or she hasn’t, whether it’s in the form free stuff, an invitation to an exclusive event, a trip, or a book deal. Instead of stewing, I think it’s healthier to accept the fact that some people make different choices, and choose to spend time on different things. I ALSO think it’s healthier to channel bitterness or envy or exasperation into something else and see where that takes us, but I digress.

The other day I wrote this post about the Secret Supper, and then Marilou at 20 York Street wrote this one, and THEN there were a few twitter conversations, and now I find myself here in front of my computer mulling it all over.

So how does a blogger get invited to exclusive events?*

*By this I mean invite-only movie premieres, store and restaurant openings, product launches etc.

It’s no big secret really. Most bloggers who are invited to attend special events are frequent and reliable content creators. They write, they take photos, they tweet. And they do it well, to an engaged audience who respects and trusts them.

The bloggers on that invite list match a target demographic that a brand wants to reach. So, for example, at the Secret Supper, the participants were evenly split between local TV and print media, and parenting and lifestyle bloggers. Generally they all had one thing in common, they were the most likely to write about the event because they are already writing about food/fashion/gear in Ottawa. Makes sense, considering the client was Giant Tiger, right?

Bloggers who have a declared interest for a particular area, are more likely to be invited to an event in that area. So fashion bloggers might land invites to fashion-related events such as store openings and fashion shows. Political bloggers, pet bloggers, poets, and knitters are probably NOT going to get invites to fashion shows and store openings because it doesn’t make sense from the brand’s perspective. Brands generally invite people who might tweet and write about them. In other words, the reason bloggers get invited is not because they’re cool, it’s because the brands hope they’ll get something. That something is exposure. This is huge.

HERE’s the secret you may not know: brands are already be looking for people like you, even if you have a blog or social media presence with a relatively small following. Not every agency is looking for blog veterans with legions of followers. In fact, many are actively avoiding those people because they’re less likely to be interested or have time.

Am I bothered when I don’t receive an invite to some event? No. I can’t expect to be invited to everything, nor do I want to. Many of these events take place in the evenings and I do like to spend time with my family too!

So. Do you want to be invited to those special events? If not, that’s ok. You have other priorities, and that’s fine, but if you do, and you’re not hearing from anyone, please consider the following:

• Maybe you haven’t been online very long, and you aren’t on anyone’s radar yet. That’s ok. Give it time, and keep working at it. The next time you hear about an event about to take place, ask the organizer for an invite. (What’s the worst thing that can happen?) If it’s a no-go, follow along at home on Twitter and get involved that way. The event organizer will notice, and who knows, maybe you’ll be put on the list for next time. Here’s a thought, you can blog about the event, if you didn’t attend.
• Look at your last 10 blog posts right now. Next, look over your last 25 tweets. What do they say about you? Do you only talk about yourself, or do you engage with others? Do you seem like someone that an organization or company would like to work with? Here’s something to consider: personal chemistry is actually pretty important here. The people who are choosing which bloggers to work with – regardless of whether the hosting company or organization is the Government of Canada, the Canadian Cancer Society, or Big Company X  – will naturally gravitate to people they like. Is this person friendly, and funny? Do they know how to turn a phrase, and get people talking? Are they professional? These people are making their lists, and consciously or subconsciously considering all of these factors… and more. Depending on the situation, the PR people might also be choosing people they will be working with directly, over a longer period of time. There is no way they’d choose someone who is a bully or a jerk online. This is why it’s always good to be your best, most authentic, professional self at all times.

Related: So where does swearing fall into all of this? Good question. I totally support writers who want to be their true selves online, but if you are using your social media presence to find work, I’d personally put a lid on the bad language. You don’t know who’s reading, and how many opportunities you may be losing. No one wants to work with someone who appears to be a loose cannon or have anger issues.

If you want to take your blog to the next level – whatever that may mean for you – you need to invest in yourself. Keep your blog and all social media channels current. Get business cards. Get a professional headshot. And make it easy for companies and PR agencies to find and contact you. Before you know it you’ll be reaching your blogging goals, no matter what they are.